Fear

Hiding in Silence!!

1. When I was a young boy, I fear of big man, dog and deep water. I will hide and keep quiet  if there some big man across. I would divert my pathway if there is a dog in front. I would take shower at home rather than following my friend to go to waterfall and swim.

2. When I become older and older, I am no more fear of those three major fears in my life. I start to be good with dogs, dive into 30ft deep water. I am no more scare of big fat man (Goliath).It has gone with time and my age.

3. Many of the Bidayuh fear of many things. Some fear of bad spirit and still practice polytheistic, paganism and other superstitious. Long time ago, the whole village will curfew during "head hunter season" and children are accompany by their parent on the way to boarding school. We used to fear of owl because it brings bad sign to the village.

4. In this new era with strong religion belief and practices, the Bidayuh are free from all those fears. There is no more head hunting in the village. The owl is just a night bird and not to scare of.

5. Nevertheless, there are great fear that the Bidayuh could not fight. They rather silent themselves to keep save. They fear of marginalization, suppression and negation.

6. The second class fear of daily survival challenge; merely forget the main purpose for the next generation. Less could work hard and safe money for their children education; at least to the local university. They prefer ignore and escape from the greatest burden for whole life change. Education is the only answer of poverty, marginalization, ignorance and deprivation. Some have lost hope and motivation and only provide a moderate education; until SPM or STPM.

7. The youngsters blind themselves from brighter future. They are dis-motivated, lazy and some are rebellious. In every village, there a pack of youngsters sitting on motorbike at the roadside. Some enjoining themselves with a bottle of "langkau" (rice liqueur) and get back home for long sleep until the afternoon. By the time their parent are working hard at the paddy fields, construction sites and estates, they are still sleeping and waiting for unprepared lunch at home. Some hanging on the "holo" table hoping for victory to  buy a bottle of liqueur and cigarette. They rather hide form the real world and be the same typical kampung boy.

8. The elites, survive by their current position in politic, business and social relationship. They are live by abundant and comfortable living. Some are politicians, business person and professionals. The greatest politicians are those who could secure themselves in the greatest political party. They are untouchable, powerful and rich. Certain time, they look back at the village and observe those who toil until the last drop of sweat. The the election time comes, the politicians will give more paddy fertilizer hoping that the paddy production will increase.

9. The Bidayuh have never been teach to an entrepreneur. There is no imitative provided for the Bidayuh to be an entrepreneur. If there are; they are grass-cutter, cleaner and small construction work.

10. The association is now close its membership to the typical Bidayuh. They only interested in elite group who could donate more money and could afford for the annual fee. It seems the association has stop giving study aid to poor students. The new building has completed but empty. The Bidayuh could not pack the meeting hall because someone might ask for study aid and the association will close down due to lack of fund. To make it survive, the association is kept among the elites to perverse the interest of its members and reputation.